Goal: to edify each person I talk to and make them feel valued, which will build a relationship of trust where respectful communication can happen.

 

#1: I choose to see this person as the same as me.

 

#2:  I set my stuff (thoughts and feelings) aside upfront. 

 

#3: I will ask questions about their stuff...

(Their thoughts, feelings, ideas, opinions, fears, etc.)

 

                … and I will listen and validate them.

(This doesn’t mean I will agree. It means that I will honor and respect their right to be where and who they are.) “I totally understand how you can feel that way.”

 

#4: I will ask permission questions before I share my stuff.

 

Would you be open to some suggestions?

Would you be willing to let me share my feelings about this?

Would you be open to some ideas I have about this?

Would you be open to understanding how I feel about this?

 

#5: I will focus on what I think and feel, and on future behavior not past.

 

I will use “I ” statements instead of “you” statements.

I will focus on the future, and behavior I want to see moving forward, instead of their past behavior. This will maintain the relationship of trust I’ve developed.

 

Memorize these simple steps and start practicing.