Goal: to edify each person I talk to and make them feel valued, which will build a relationship of trust where respectful communication can happen.
#1: I choose to see this person as the same as me.
#2: I set my stuff (thoughts and feelings) aside upfront.
#3: I will ask questions about their stuff...
(Their thoughts, feelings, ideas, opinions, fears, etc.)
… and I will listen and validate them.
(This doesn’t mean I will agree. It means that I will honor and respect their right to be where and who they are.) “I totally understand how you can feel that way.”
#4: I will ask permission questions before I share my stuff.
Would you be open to some suggestions?
Would you be willing to let me share my feelings about this?
Would you be open to some ideas I have about this?
Would you be open to understanding how I feel about this?
#5: I will focus on what I think and feel, and on future behavior not past.
I will use “I ” statements instead of “you” statements.
I will focus on the future, and behavior I want to see moving forward, instead of their past behavior. This will maintain the relationship of trust I’ve developed.
Memorize these simple steps and start practicing.